The Exorcist

CALIFORNIA DEPORTS ALL HETEROSEXUALS

In a sweeping move to deport all heterosexuals, California has been renamed, The Golden Shower State, and arrested or detained all 7 of the State's heterosexuals.

Setting off a tidalwave of homosexual marriage and draining the state's employers of benefits for normal people, the move is expected to motivate even more employers to abruptly pull out of the state.

Reached for comment, Barack Obama said he welcomed the move and felt a great sense of relief that he can come out himself and then admitted his wife, Michelle, is a dude.

Speaking in front of a gay pride parade in San Francrisco, Obama (pictured left) said: "When Mike, as she was known then, and I first met it was shove at first sight.  And by the time I'm done raising taxes, surrendering to terrorism and appointing Nathan Lane to the Supreme Court, we'll all be taking it up the ass."

GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DENVER

"They call me Mr. Fibs!"

Barack Hussein Obama began his speech in Philadelphia with firm conviction as dozens of white women fainted.

Before he was done giving his historic speech, a speech that Abe Lincoln could only dream of giving, the men were unconscious as well.

Barack Obama was born to a Kenyan warlord and a flower-child from the epicenter of the Hippie Era Movement, Wichita Kansas.

Barack spent his early years trying to escape the lynch-mobs of Hawaii before going to Harvard to escape their lynch-mobs.  He later graduated, became a lawyer and then had to escape the lynch-mobs of Geraldine Ferraro.  But all his life's training of escaping lynch-mobs couldn't have prepared him for the lynch-mobs that came after him for his close 20-year relationship with man of God, Jeremiah Wright.

For the first few days after Obama's New Black Panther ties were revealed, he was able to just say unto his flock:  "I was never there when those things were being said."  Revising his story only slightly after the Right-Wing media storm appeared unwilling to believe he wasn't a charter member of the Nation Of Islam, he then said unto his flock: "Just words!"

But when his magical powers to clear storm clouds with the same wave of the hand he has used to make throngs of followers faint before him, he was forced to tell the truth.  Or least, a small part of the truth. 

"Did I blow coke, smoke weed, blame AmeriKKKa for 9/11, blame whitey for putting crack in the ghetto, blame whitey for injecting AIDS into the African-Kansan community while pocketing millions from corrupt deals with my white-ass partner, Tony Rezko?  You bet your ass I did.  But, and I can't make this clear enough, it's all whitey's fault.  I ask that you completely overlook this small error in judgement and focus instead on Geraldine Ferraro.  Just give me the chance and I will continue the legacy of Elijah Muhammad and Jimmy Carter"

Hillary Clinton Knows The Crying Game

"One day soon I'm gonna tell the moon - About the Crying Game"

A theme song for transvestites or a ploy to garner sympathy from Democrat women who vote with their tears, not with their empty heads?

Or both?

Only Boy George can say for certain.  And as soon as he unchains the male prostitute from his basement, I intend to ask him/her/it. 

In the meantime, I'll have to settle for asking Edmund Muskie, which won't be easy since he's been dead for over ten years.  But at least I won't get stuck with a heroin needle or a gay cock.  Wish me luck.

HILLARY CLINTON FALLS FOR BARACK OBAMA'S MANDINGO MOJO IN IOWA

Hillary Clinton has left her husband of 32 years, former president Bill Clinton, for Illinois Senator Barack Hussein Obama.

Both Democratic presidential candidates were staying at the same Holiday Inn located in Des Moines, Iowa and had just completed passionate speeches in different ballrooms.  They were returning to their respective rooms for the night when, by sheer coincidence, they both boarded the same elevator. 

Shortly after the elevator doors closed, Obama pulled out a joint, lit it up and offered her a hit.  Hillary accepted his offer and took in a long draw of the joint and rolled her eyes as she slowly exhaled.  Their starry eyes met and she was overcome by his Mandingo Mojo as she pulled her blazer and blouse over her head.  He stared deeply into her eyes and unstrapped her bra as she asked him for a light.

"The joint is still going, bitch"  he lovingly said.

"No, you fucking dipshit, I want to burn my bra.  It's what Noam Chomsky would want" she replied.

"Oh hayell yes, baby!  That's what I was waiting to hear.  Mind if I smoke a Kool now or would you prefer to wait until after you ride my campaign bus?" 

Fa shizzle, ma nizzle! Bring.......it.......on.  And you know what I'm talkin' 'bout!  This is the only plantation fo yo station!  Oooh-wah  oooh-wah!"

HILLARY CLINTON - BEATEN, TORTURED & EXPOSED BY FELLOW DEMOCRATS

Hillary Clinton was gang-banged by her fellow Democrats in a recent debate.  Clinton was asked a question and unfairly expected to actually answer the question. Sending a clear message that she will not tolerate sexual harassment by any man or woman, Hillary has filed a lawsuit against her attackers.

Attempts to contact her lawyers at the ACLU have gone unanswered. 

GORE FINALLY WINS!

Failed presidential candidate, and Vice President under impeached, disbarred and disgraced president Clinton, Al Gore won the Yasser Arafat Award today. 

Although nominees for the award that have actually ever done anything related to the word "Peace" demanded a recount, Gore threw them on his Global-Flame-BBQ and gobbled them up like snacks at an Academy Awards after-party.

Gore marks another in a long line of anti-Semitic Democrats, such as Jimmy Carter, and he marks the first winner in recent memory that hasn't called for a recount of the number of Jews killed in the Holocaust.

Reached in heaven with his 72 virgins, Yasser Arafat said the Nobel Peace Prize was in good hands until Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wins the award next year.

JOHN EDWARDS PROMISES TO HAVE ALL BLACK AMERICANS KILLED OR IMPRISONED IF ELECTED PRESIDENT

Democrat presidential candidate John Edwards stunned his liberal audience today by declaring he will have all black Americans killed or imprisoned if elected president.  Edwards further promised to immediately surrender in the war against terror in order to get all the black soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen back to the United States where they'll face the death penalty or life in prison.

Edwards did not return calls placed to his sprawling mansion on the matter as he was busy hanging his servants, maids and UPS delivery man in the backyard of his estate.

Republican Senator Secretly Living Life Of Democrat

Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig was arrested in June for impersonating a Democrat in a Minneapolis Airport restroom.  Craig, it appears, has secretly been living the life of a Democrat for decades.

Too cheap to buy a motel room and take his Democrat sex urges out of public places, Craig will resign from the Senate on September 30th.  He is currently in talks to take over as John Edwards' campaign manager.

DEMOCRATS HOLD PIE-EATING CONTEST IN LOS ANGELESBIAN

Democrats, eager to swallow the gay/lesbian/transgendered/transmitted-STD vote whole, held the first ever debate for an all-homosexual audience on Thirstday, August 9th.

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The debates started with openly gay candidate John Edwards blowing B. Hussein Obama clad in his swimsuit while a cigarette hung out of his mouth in a sassy manner.  It was a heated event in which the cud, wet & queers outpaced even the blood, sweat & tears.

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Fellow lesbian candidates Denise Queerspinich and He'llLickMe Ciit-on went on a frothy, yeast-milk-shake sucking contest in which straws were not an option and yodeling reached a fever pitch that Slim Whitman could only dream of.

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Lone heterosexual candidate, Chris Dodd, spent the evening in the restroom being converted into a real Democrat.

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Meanwhile, radical Islamic extremists cut off the heads of two Muslim men who were seen kissing in the privacy of their own home.

DEMOCRAT CANDIDATES STAGE "WHO CAN SURRENDER TO RADICAL ISLAM FIRST" CONTEST AT DEBATES

Candidates for the al Qaedacrat Party staged a "Who Can Surrender To Radical Islam First" contest at the debates on Monday night, aired by CNN and fueled by airheads.

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Senator Blowhard Biden started the bidding at "One and a half years!" Followed by flip-flopping Senator Hillary Clinton who raised the stakes by declaring surrender in "One year!"  Only to be out-surrendered by Governor Bill Richardson who said "Out in 6 months!", only to be out-surrendered by Senator Buttcrack Hussein Obama's declaration that "I surrendered before we ever started!"

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But the winner of the "Who Can Surrender First" contest was Dennis Kucinich who stated "I've never succeeded at anything in my life and I'll be damned if I'm going to start if I become president.  I surrendered when I was in 1^st grade and I've been surrendering ever since. I'm a liberal Democrat.  This is how we roll."

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Kucinich's prize was a golden plaque inscribed with the words: "Over 3,700 Soldiers Died In Vain For The Democrat Party's Partisanship"

FREDDY KRUEGER THOMPSON/RUDY TOOTY FRESH ‘N FRUITY GHOULIANI - THE MONSTER TICKET 2008

One towering man single-handedly took down Tricky Dick Nixon and his Watergate Burglar Buddies.  The other single-handedly took down the World Trade Centers.  Together they’re teaming up to Take Down America!

Monsters that lurk in the dark of night while Democrats are hiding under their beds fretting about the Global Warming Threat.  They have no intention of giving Isalamists the Constitutional Rights they’re entitled to.  They have no intention of giving the Gay-Rilla Activists their Constitutional Rights to Pre-School Teaching, Boy Scout Leading or even PBS funding.  It is very likely they’re not going to grant the Democrat Party any of their Constitutional Rights.

But they don’t call ‘em Monsters for nothin’ and these Monsters will make Teresa Heinz Kerry look like an attractive broad.

"And now, my beauties, something with poison in it, I think ... with poison in it, but attractive to the eye and soothing to the smell ... Ha ha heh heh heh heh! Poppies... poppies... Poppies will put them to sleep... Sleep... Now they'll sleep..."

Fall into a deep sleep and dream my beauties………………. – Dream of the day when Polar Bears can go back to having ice sickles hang out of their asses like a clump of grapes hanging out of a trucker’s ass.   

Yes, the good old day.  When Stalin, Mao and Carter ruled.  When the common man could aspire to be the Commie Man.  When the U.K. was foolishly letting Arab lunatics breed like rabid bunnies, only to have an evolution known as The European Union.  A liberal Union that doesn’t extradite murderers back to their country of origin, which kills their mutant murderers, is what liberalism is all about.  Yes, back to the good old days when Jimmy Carter was stabbing the Shah Of Iran in the back and giving away the Panama Canal (that Americans illegally broke their backs to build) to Third World lunatics with a serious Cocaine problem.

The glory days of the Intended Consequences of Liberalism are doomed when the Monster Ticket 2008 takes over.  And we’ll all have Hillary Rodham Clinton to thank for it.

A Nightmare On Pennsylvania Avenue - Freddy Thompson

 

Float like John Edwards, sting like Hillary, your hands can’t hit what your eyes can’t see.

A monster is on the loose.

Freddy Krueger Thompson has a dream but it’s a nightmare for the liberals whose dreams he infiltrates.

You can try to kill him with conventional means such as; Leukemia, lung cancer, low Nielsen ratings or even Male Pattern Baldness, but he keeps coming back.

A reasonable person might think that there were no survivors from the Long National Nightmare known as Watergate.  But the Nightmare is far from over and Freddy is here to remind us all that monsters never die.

Tennessee is a state that has absolutely no redeeming qualities with the exception of Al Gore.  Sure, there is Graceland for the hicks and that long history of Red State myoozeek spewing out of Nashville.  But other than those Inconvenient Truths, it’s all about Academy Award winning former Vice President, Tobacco Mogul and Climatologist, Al Gore.

That’s where Freddy comes into play.  Sharp claws, disfigured face, smokin’ hot pinstriped attire and a propensity for killing his opponents.

Some have suggested he’s lazy and preoccupied with his moneymaking Hollywood agenda.  That’s the least of the problems for the AmeriKKKan Sheeple who might be influenced by Freddy’s sway and ignore the rightful heir to the AmeriKKKan throne, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

The AmerKKKan Sheeple will either embrace their new queen of Queens or they will hear Freddy utter the shuddering words: “Welcome to my world, bitch!”

CARLY SIMON REVEALS 35 YEAR-OLD HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JOHN EDWARDS

After 35 years Carly Simon has revealed that she is actually a man and her/his hit song "You're So Vain" was written for her/his then-lover, presidential candidate, John Edwards.

Simon stated that he had lived a lie for too many years and didn't want to face his 75th birthday with this secret locked in his heart.

John Edwards released the following statement when made aware of the fact that he had been outed by Simon.

"Just like there are two Americas, there are two John Edwards.  One that pretends to be a champion of the downtrodden, and one that gobbles dick like it's going out of style."

Simon re-released the original version of his hit "You're So Vain" that Nixon's Big FCC Censor Buddies originally forced him to re-write.

"(Son of a mill worker)

You walked with the Democrat party like you were walking onto your yacht
Your hair strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was apricot
You had one eye in the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte
And all the boys dreamed that they'd be your partner
Your Domestic Partner, and...

You're insane, you probably think this song is about you
You're insane, I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?"

OPENLY GAY PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE DECLARES "WAR ON TERROR" A BUMPER STICKER

Paul Mitchell, Vidal Sassoon, Gianni Versace, Little Richard and the list of other so-called “men” who’ve made hairstyles or their own hair famous goes on. But on the list of pretty men with pretty hair only one is running for President. 

Presidential candidate John Edwards famously stated, “There are two America’s”. He was right.  One America has hair that blows in the wind, gets dirty over time and doesn’t always fall right into place.  The other America is a country that few people outside the gay community or Hollywood will ever know and that is John Edwards’ America.

It doesn’t matter if he drops the top of his convertible Bentley at 91mph with a state trooper at the wheel, dives into one of his Olympic-sized private swimming pools, or has a roll in the hay with Liberace. John Edwards’ hair will not falter, will not fail and will not surrender to the vestiges of the day.  This is a message that radical Islam doesn’t take lightly and President Edwards knows this.

John Edwards and his beautiful hair will strike terror in the hearts and souls of terrorists.  His primping and prepping for the camera is exactly what radical Islam has been afraid of since his mansion was completed.

A bumper sticker with meaningless slogans such as “War On Terror” never stopped a suicide-bomber from killing innocent women and children.  Perhaps now is the time to show these ruthless killers we really mean business.  Only John Edwards and his beautiful hair can send the kind of serious message only a hairdresser can know for sure. And that’s the kind of message that will transcend meaningless bumper stickers. 

THE MYTH DEMENTIA - AL'S QUEERY ASS

When the Loon is in the Senate House
and Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the movie stars

This is the dawning of the age of Al's queery ass
The age of Al's queery ass
Al's queery ass Al's queery ass

Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derision's
Golden showers dreams of visions
Mystic carbon-neutral revelation
And the mind's true liberation

Al's queery ass Al's queery ass
Al's queery ass Al's queery ass

(Visuals of the earth exploding like the sun as the song segues from the spacey part to the funky part)

Where is the sunshine
Where is the sunshine
Let the sun shine in

QUEER EYE FOR THE SEMPER FI - HOMOSEXUALS IN HOT PURSUIT OF PETER

The Gay Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, Barney Frank, John Edwards and other homosexuals called for an apology from Peter Pace, Chairman of the JOINT Chiefs of Staff for the Armed Forces.

General Pace expressed his own personal opinion that guys who stick their dicks up each others hairy asses were immoral.  Pace went on to condemn terrorist-coddling former President B.J. Clinton and other adulterers as equally immoral.

"As good as it may sound on paper, putting openly homosexual men in a foxhole with young men from red states is a distraction from their mission.  It's not a good idea to have a sodomite trying to stick his dick up your ass when your job is to kill or be killed.  Let openly gay men serve their country in other ways, such as volunteering their time to the Democrat Party and other terrorist-empowering organizations."

Foreign policy expert Rosie O'Dumbell couldn't be reached for comment.

DEMOCRATS UNVEIL "PLAN FOR VICTORY IN IRAQ" - LET THE ENEMY WIN!

To the delight of al Qaeda and global terrorism, the Democrat Party announced their plans to hand victory over to the terrorists.

"I'm just thrilled to do my part in opposing President Bush at any cost." said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (at left).

Career politician and alcoholic Ted Kennedy (at left) slurred the following: "This is a great day for the defeat of America.  I'm happy to join forces with global terrorism if it means a defeat for Bush.  I'm going to go finish getting drunk, it's almost noon"

Democrats were successful in selling American voters on the idea that they had a "Plan For Victory in Iraq" leading up to last November's elections.  Inexplicably, American voters somehow believed that Democrats had learned to do something they haven't done in 60 years, fight to win.

Although the conventional wisdom is that America is going to have to fight these same terrorists again here in America, the Democrats were more than happy to offer Americans as sacrificial lambs if it means making President Bush look bad.

(D) John Conyers (at left) will begin Impeachment Hearings just as soon as he finds a suitable baby-sitter, errand-boy and tax-payer funded accountant.

"This never was about victory in the Middle East, it's about victory on the left aisle of House of Congress.  We won the election last November and I think I can speak for all Americans when I say we're all about losing for partisan reasons.  That's what sets our party apart from the Culture Of Corruption Republicans who have kept us out of power by stealing elections for the past 6 years." said CONyers.

America has waited 6 long years to get back to being attacked on its own soil and the American people have spoken.  Come kill us, we're defeatist and we look forward to Sharia Law.

BUSH LIFTS DEMOKLAN PARTY BAN AGAINST BLACK COACHES IN THE SUPERBOWL

Leader of the free world and the GREATEST PRESIDENT IN THE HISTORY OF AMERICA, George W. Bush, lifted the Democrat Party's ban against black coaches in the Superbowl last Sunday.

(D) Robert Byrd, Joe Biden and other former Ku Klux Klan members boycotted the game by whipping their servants while taking in a hockey game.

California Dreamingcrat

Does anyone else keep having the same progressive dream I keep having?

It starts just like every other progressive dream, with my face a silly millimeter away from a man's hairy, sweaty ass. And then it follows me all day and night.

I just can't take my mind off of it all day long: “Sir, would you like fries with that?” No, I reply, I’ll have the hairy, sweaty ass with that Kahuna burger.

I arrive home just in time for dinner. “How was your day, honey?”.... Well, I stammer to reply, I just couldn’t take my mind off of men’s hairy, sweaty asses..... “Oh, that’s nice dear, do you want rice or potatoes with your steak?”.... Actually, I’d prefer the hairy, sweaty ass with that steak, darling..... "Done!"

Later at night I try to put myself to sleep by counting men’s hairy, sweaty asses instead of hot, sexy sheep I'd like to join in civil union. As I begin to drift off to sleep I start to imagine a world without a man’s hairy, sweaty ass in my face. But I'm afraid to fall asleep for fear my worst nightmares - of a world without a man’s hairy, sweaty ass in my face - might be realized. I'm jolted awake by the terrifying thought: Who wants to live in a world like that? But then I get right back to counting.

153,004 hairy sweaty asses, 153,005 hairy sweaty asses………

BUSH, BLAIR TAKE TURNS WIPING THEIR MUSTACHIOED BACKSIDE WITH PAGES FROM THE IRAQ STUDY REPORT

Not since President Bush publicly wiped his mustachioed backside with the pages of a Quran personally signed by Mohammad (after defecating in a Muslim cleric's mouth on the steps of the holiest Mosque in the country) have Democrats been this upset.  In a gesture clearly designed to upset radical Muslims, al Queda and other Democrats, Bush released the following statement:

"My fellow Americans and Democrats.  I have before me today the Iraq Study Commission Report chock full of squeezably-soft quality paper.  After I take a 'Murtha' on Nancy Pelosi's head, I intend to wipe my mustachioed backside with this worthless stack of shitpaper.  You see, I'm still the Prezodent and I'll talk to that little nuclear cocksucker, Ahmadinejad, as soon as Mohammad comes back from the dead to blow me.  And one more thing.  Fuck you Islamofascist-worshipping pussies in the media.  I'm still doing things the way Frank Sinatra and Elvis sang about: My Way.  So eat me, you worms. Oh, and God bless America."

BUSH, PUTIN CONSPIRE TO MURDER SECRET AGENT MAN - 008

When Bush looked into Putin's soul a few years ago and saw that it was fully possessed, you'd think he'd have had the good taste and decency to contact me for an Exorcism. But noooooooo!

Instead, he allowed the commie bastard who was single-handedly responsible for Chernobyl to continue his bloody suppression because Dumbya had stretched us out too far in Afghanistan and Iraq.

Now, as a direct result of Bush taking his eye off the ball and allowing North Korea  and Russia to send terrorists into our buildings, a super-duper secret agent - even more covert than Valerie Plame, if you can believe such a level of covertness could possibly exist - has been murdered.

Agent 008, aka Bondski - Jameski Bondski, was forced to eat a glowing chunk of radioactive Chicken Kiev from a food-vendor in the village of Chernobyl

Now we'll never know the truth behind Putin and Bush's plan to sell nuclear bombs to Iran.

GLOBAL TERRORISM STRENGTHENED BY DEMOCRAT PARTY WINS

The celebrations began late Tuesday when Congress surrendered and the revelers didn’t rest until Thursday when The Senate was officially handed over to al Qaeda as well.  All through the Middle East and Old Europe the euphoric atmosphere was like a surreal 3-day drug-induced acid trip awash in hallucinations. 

Back in the United States of America the Democrat Party was also celebrating.

In a matter of hours the first war criminal was apprehended when Donald Rumsfeld was led out of the White House with handcuffs binding his blood-stained hands.  Moments later, Ways and Means Committee Chairman-elect, Charlie Rangel, removed the red state of Mississippi from the Union and the coup was fully underway.

Shrieker Of The House-elect, Nancy Pelosi, took time out to lunch with the deposed, and soon-to-be impeached, President to reassure the country that the new face of al Qaeda still refuses to wear a burkha or veil of any kind until no sooner than 2008.

By the time Wednesday evening rolled around both al Qaeda and The Taliban made their much anticipated congratulatory calls to Pelosi, Reid, Schumer, John Conyers and other members of the upcoming Impeachment Committee.

Although none of the new American-born leaders of al Qaeda have ever been to Spain, a few had been to Arizona.  Not Barcelona, not Oklahoma, but Arizona.  However, even without making the trip to the land of the running-of-the-bulls, they were all in agreement that surrendering to terrorism, as Spain did in 2004, pleased their terrorist masters so much, it was the new “in-thing” for liberal Euro-Wannabe Americans.

Although the Democrat Party must still bring to the altar of bin Laden the head of George W. Bush, they must first allow the White House to be blown up as part of their agreement with their al Qaeda leader.

JOHN KERRY RESIGNS FROM THE SENATE AND BECOMES STAND-UP COMEDIAN

War hero, houseboy and career troop-basher John Kerry (pictured at left) resigned from the Senate today and announced his new career as a stand-up comedian.

Citing his 35 year anti-military stance and defense-cutting voting record, Kerry stated that he just couldn’t fool the Armed Forces into believing he wasn’t a backstabbing traitor any longer.

In a statement released on the Internet to avoid facing cameras as he wept uncontrollably, Kerry released the following announcement. 

“I have three purple hearts, Dick Cheney’s daughter is a lesbian and Teresa won’t stop whipping my ass every night in the basement of the mansion where she keeps me chained.  And considering the fact that as a Senator I’ve never accomplished jack shit, I’m afraid the jig is up.  Military men and women always knew I was a backstabbing traitor but now, even Hillary Clinton has figured out I’m a traitor. That is not good.  Thankfully, due to my chronic gigantism and keen sense of comedic timing, I’ve got a new career as a comedian waiting for me. Although I’m still waiting for Teresa’s approval on this career move, I’m confident that she’ll approve of it considering my utter failure at everything else I’ve ever done.  Of course, her approval likely won’t happen until she takes her diamond-studded high heel out of my ass.”

Contingent upon Ms. Heinz’ approval (pictured at left), Kerry is expected to be Reporting For Duty at the closest Comedy Club to his wife’s mansion.

9/11 CEREMONIES REMIND AMERICA THAT CLINTON, KENNEDY & OTHER DEMOCRATS REMAIN WEAK COWARDS

9/11 ceremonies across the nation paid tribute to the innocent civilians, brave police and firefighters murdered by Islamo Fascists five years ago.

The ceremonies also served to remind America and the World that the only thing more dangerous than Islamo Fascists are the Democrats who encourage, empower and embrace them.  Unable to win elections with such popular positions as gay marriage/adoption, race-baiting, infanticide and the tried and true raising of taxes, Democrats have resorted to TAKING THE SIDE OF THE ENEMY.

Lifelong alcoholic, manslaughterer and obese Democrat, Ted Kennedy (pictured at left during a 1969 pool party) did his best to hide his party’s complicity in causing 9/11 with the following comments.

"The President should be ashamed of using a national day of mourning to commandeer the airwaves to give a speech that was designed not to unite the country and commemorate the fallen but to seek support for a war in Iraq that he has admitted had "nothing" to do with 9/11, "Kennedy said.

Bill Clinton (shown at left groping Lady Liberty Herself), who single-handedly did more to encourage the 9/11 attacks than anyone, lashed out at liberal network ABC for daring to depict him as the distracted, undisciplined sexual-harasser that he was.  Making the same type of threats as he did to the 22 year-old intern that he serially raped over a 4-month period in the 1990’s, Clinton brought even more attention to his complete failure as a leader, a man and an American.

Weak liberals in America and abroad (extremely gay leprechaun shown in photo at left) who spent their childhood getting their asses kicked by their little sisters continue to rally the DNP in a desperate attempt to bring al Qaeda to power over America.

U.S. District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor - RULES IN FAVOR OF AL QAEDA

U.S. District Judge and Democrat Activist Anna Diggs Taylor (photo at left) ruled against the United States yesterday in the case of Terrorism v. The United States of America. Stating her deep felt desire to bring an end to America if it means just one shot at George W. Bush, Diggs-Taylor released the following statement:

"Fuck you white ass muthafuckuzz. What part of I-Hate-Bush don't you understand? The people on the other end of these long-distance phone calls are NOT white. Combine that with the fact the Bush Administration is Republican and the decision was an absolute no-brainer in every way. And, fuck you white ass muthafuckuzz again."

Diggs-Taylor, a lifelong Democrat, was previously employed by and married to convicted Democratic Congressman Charles C. Diggs, Jr. (shown in photo after Anna killed him for dating a white Republican). Charles Diggs Jr. was convicted of taking kickbacks from the staff whose salaries he raised on October 7, 1978. Previously, Charles Diggs was the first chairman of the Democrat-only Congressional Black Caucus and prior to that he was a mortician.

In the earliest days of the CBC, its mission was to blame everything that has ever gone wrong in the black community on Republicans. A proud tradition that still holds true today.

Activist Anna, as her friends know her, said she learned a whole lot about corruption, hating whitey and blaming Republicans for everything during her employment and subsequent marriage to Diggs.

Although the partisan decision will almost certainly be overthrown by real judges who still have a stake in America's future, Diggs-Taylor will retain her seat on the bench until Ann Coulter poisons her.

DEMOCRATS SIDE WITH HEZBOLLAH IN WAR AGAINST ISRAEL

Democrats hoping to take America in a different direction, that being straight to hell, have sat back and waited long enough now to determine that Bush supports Israel.  That's the vital information they were looking for before deciding whose side they were going to take in the war Hezbollah started with Israel. 

Turning on Israel as fast as they did on a Jewish Democratic candidate who doesn't want to surrender to the Islamotics came naturally to the Democrats.  Failed Presidential candidate and treasonous traitor who was outed by the real sailors in the Vietnam war, John Kerry (shown here on the White House lawn that he never quite made his new home), released the following statement.

"If I were President, little Jewish and Muslim children would be playing Pin The Tail On The Jew with each other.  Gay Muslims would leave their camels and bestiality for the diamond merchants of Jerusalem to live harmoniously in gay marriage. Gas would be 29 cents per gallon worldwide and Teresa wouldn't whip my ass every night in the basement where she keeps me chained to a pipe next to the servants she brought here from South Africa on that slave ship I was Captain of."

Hillary Clinton (photo at left) donned a yarmulke to address a pro-Israel rally in New York last week before she found out that her party had turned against Israel.  Not being one to worry about whether her constituents see through her transparent, shallow convictions she immediately did an about face and stated:  "All these damn Jews want to do is live on their tiny little patch of sand over there and defend themselves.  It just makes me sick.  They remind me of Republicans.  Self-Defense this, Self-Defense that.  Why don't they just accept that Islamo-Fascism has won.  If we just lay down our arms, the peace-loving religion of Islam will welcome us to their villages, homes and guillotines"

Further statements are expected in the coming days as more Democrats see that the fight isn't going end like a TV drama in 60 minutes or less.

RuPaulo -- November 7, 1960 - July 11, 2006

RuPaulo, transgendered entertainer and world renowned gerbil trainer, was killed and cannibalized by the crew of the Masochist Misery Tour hybrid air-balloon during a crash-landing on a Colorado Injun Reservation on Tuesday night.

The Tour was returning from the Running of The Bulls in Spain at the time of the incident.  Crew members grew desperate when their entire supply of quiche was eaten after crew mate, Arbitraitor, came down with a serious case of the munchies after he smoked 9 grams of Spanish hashish.  RuPaulo was fully consumed with a side of farva beans after being skinned alive to make repairs to the balloon with the flesh off his back. 

The crew, who described RuPaulo as looking good enough to eat even before they ran out of food, took on heavy bottle-rocket fire in the skies over Kansas and were descending at an alarming rate.  Repeated "MAYDAY" signals were ignored by "fellow" progressives from blue counties within Colorado before the hybrid aircraft safely crash-landed on Chief Professym WigWam Churchill's Tee Pee.

Surviving crew members included Petty Officer NoClass MurthaFan, Neocon Pincher (who lost his right foot in the ordeal), Dr. Nick Northcut, the bogarting Arbiter, Captain Petty Officer 4th Class Exorcist and Pedro the illegal alien who did the odd jobs on the Tour balloon that the American crew members just would not do.  Odd jobs such as, skinning, filleting and cooking a 6'6" transvestite.

RuPaulo's wig and acryllic fingernails (the only things that survived his/her/othyr ordeal) will be cremated and the ashes spread over West Hollywood in a Memorial/Broadway Musical called "It's Raining Men" scheduled for Saturday night.

NORTH KOREAN PRESIDENT FIRES MISSILES AT AMERICA

North Korean president, and identical twin-brother to the late Herve Villechaize, Kim Jong Ill (pictured) fired 7 missiles at California during his July 4th Fireworks and Starving Children Marching Parade.

Apparently unaware of the fact that the blue state of California is sympathetic to President Ill's primary cause of bringing harm to America, especially if it makes American President George W. Bush look bad for two seconds.

Kim Jong Ill, who is known to be a heavy drug user and suffers from severe hallucinations, fired the missiles believing that the red states were similar to the red country of China that supports North Korea's desire to start a war with America.  Delusional and  believing that blue states were his enemy, Kim Jong Ill lit the fuse of the bottle-rocket connected to a carrier-pigeon and instructed it to fly up Nancy Pelosi's ass before exploding.

After coming down from his latest LSD trip, Kim Jong Ill ate Bulgar caviar from the skull of one of the starving children that he keeps on hand for the purposes of having someone shorter than him to stand next to.

The Exorcist joins Liberal Larry's Rolling BlogFast

The Exorcist has announced that he is joining Liberal Larry's Rolling BlogFast to take place on July 12th.  Taking their cue from Hollywood's elite and "peace mother" Cindy Sheehan (shown here in a recent photo after her own fast began), the Rolling BlogFast will prevent Ed Asner from missing pork chops, Rob Reiner from missing a barrel of spaghetti and Ally McBeal from missing 1/2 grain of rice.

Tremendous personal sacrifice and risks to the health of Rolling BlogFasters is likely due to the extended time period of the fast, 10 minutes, and could result in idle time to ponder flossing and brushing of teeth or even a short shower.  Paramedics will be standing by for the protection of all participating BlogFasters.

Exorcist - Turned Into Homo, Brutally Gay-Bashed to Death by Closeted NeoCons Pretending To Be Progressyves

Father John Merrin, aka The Exorcist, was brutally gay-bashed by a rabid gang of Neocons pretending to be progressyves behind a gay bar in Golden Showers, Colorado early this morning.

Trying to exorcise the demons from a tall, hot, red-state babe when it happened, The Exorcist was first turned into a homo and then, according to the exorcee, jumped to his own death from the 13th floor of the apartment building above the "Salad Tossers, Gay Bar & Grill"

The Exorcist was found at the bottom of the fire-escape stairwell with what appeared to be a self-inflicted silver-bullet wound, a cross rammed into his eyes, a moon-shaped rock implanted in the back of his head, and a great big ass wooden stake rammed up his ass.  His lyfe-partner, Father Damien Karras, was at his side performing last rites when authorities arrived.

An autopsy is scheduled for Thursday.